the process of becoming not me

This is the story of my journey from who I was, to who I am, to who I am becoming. It is the story of how God is weaving together my life, heart, and circumstances to make me something different altogether.

It is the process of becoming not me...



Tuesday, April 30, 2013

when grace rains...

There are few feelings that compare to the warmth of the sun on your face

     except for maybe the refreshment of a strong breeze on a stifling day
          or the briskness of that first breath outside on a cold winter morning.

Each of these seem to be so deeply delightful at the time but all of these are trumped by one thing...
a good spring rain.

I LOVE everything about a good spring rain. There is something about watching the clouds gather and darken, hearing the distant sound of muffled thunder, smelling the sweet dew that seems to linger in the air, and then feeling that first drop that signals the multitude that is to come. Lightning seems to split the sky in an inexplicable display and thunder echos throughout the land. The parched earth soaks it up as if it hasn't felt such sweet moisture in years. The grass and flowers and trees seem to become a richer, deeper, stronger green with every single drop. Nothing, and I mean nothing, escapes the powerful drench of a good spring rain...
but that's part of the problem with it too.

A good spring rain doesn't discriminate between your raised vegetable garden and the weeds seeking to infiltrate it. A good spring rain doesn't miss the car you just washed or the sidewalk chalk art you never took a picture of. A good spring rain gets it all.
And so it is with God's grace.

Nothing compares to the intimate feeling of being washed anew when God's grace rains down. You have seen the clouds of promise and heard His thunderous declaration. The fragrance and feelings of change linger thickly around you. Then the rain comes with a mighty display and a loud roar. Your parched soul soaks it in and you are refreshed and renewed and revived. Just as plants can not live with out water, your soul can not live with out God's grace. You yearn for His redeeming flood and it comes and it rains heavy and it is sweet. Nothing, and I mean nothing, escapes the powerful drench of God's grace when it rains down...
but that is part of the struggle with it too.

We certainly want grace to freely rain down on us and others we deem deserving, but what happens when God's grace rains down as heavily on someone we consider a weed, the undeserving, the vile offender, our very enemy? What happens when our good works are washed down and we find our slate equally as blank as that weed?

Surely if asked point blank, we would all deny that we have ever felt this way. No one wants to admit this is a struggle. After all, we love a powerful from death to life testimony. Who can resist the murderer turned evangelist or the prostitute turned soccer mom or the scammer turned into a benevolent giver?

Not me...at least not from a distance.

The Bible is full of tales of God's grace flowing down and we all fully embrace each storm of grace but is our embrace wholehearted or just because we are so distanced from the situation that God's rain of grace on their life costs us nothing?

Who would deny grace to the woman caught in the act of adultry?

Certainly not us...but what if you were the wife of the man she cheated with or her child or her husband? Does that change your desire for her to receive the same grace you recieve? If we are honest, most of us would call her a homewrecker and, at a minimum, shun her but certainly deny her grace.

And who among us doesn't delight in the grace flood of the Saul turned Paul transformation?

Certainly not us...but what if Saul had been persecuting you? What if you at one time had pleaded with him for the life of your father or mother or brother or sister or husband or child? What if you had watched him stand aside, cloaks in hand, while others stoned someone you loved, a person who had done no wrong? Would you doubt his transformation? Would you begrudge his use in the gospel mission? Does that change your perspective on the grace afforded to Paul? Truth be told, most of us would have labeled Saul a terrorist and rejoiced at his blindness instead of being an instrument of grace and healing in his life.

My husband and I have had the privilege of attending for many years the annual banquet of an incredible local ministry that seeks to share the redeeming grace of God with prisoners within our county. It is a ministry close to our hearts, run by people of integrity and compassion. Year after year without fail, we hear a death to life testimony by a different former prisoner who was radically transformed by the heavy rain of God's grace. It is always overwhelmingly powerful. The amens and praises to God and even tears flow freely from those listening, captivated by a new tale of God's powerful storm of grace. We can not help but be moved by these redemption stories.

But I wonder if we would feel the same if we were the victim of that former prisoner, who is now free and successful and no longer under the condemnation of our legal system or our God. Unfortunately, I don't think we would. We all too often want people to get what they deserve and somehow grace just doesn't fill that selfish need within our hearts and minds. I have witnessed far too many believers desire vindication and punishment and justice for the person that so grievously wronged them or their family feel robbed when God's grace rained down instead. I can personally only think of one instance in which victims of a heinous crime truly, deeply, maybe even painfully desired God's grace to rain down on those that harmed them.

It was beautiful. It was inspiring. It was convicting...and it was the exception

But why is grace the exception amongst a people who have all been bought by and offered unmerited grace?
Why is grace so offensive to those of us sustained by its very presence?
Why is grace so irritating to those of us who rely on it each and every day?
Why is our grace-giving so lacking when it is so sufficient for us?

Rarely, and I mean rarely are we grievously wronged.
Rarely, and I mean rarely, are we the victims of heinous crimes. 
But far too frequently we love grace for ourselves and grace from a distance for others but just not when it is personal, costing us our own perceived justice or righteousness.

It's not a new problem. I don't know about you, but I often find myself identifying with the "wrong" character in the Bible. I have been Jonah, sitting under the wilted fig tree whining that someone that I knew didn't deserve grace had their life turned around, redeemed, made righteous, and super blessed. I have stood with rock in hand ready to cast a stone on the adulteress. As a self-righteous sadducee and pharisee, I have muttered to myself that Jesus clearly doesn't know what type of man or woman He is raining his grace upon.

And as the thoughts and feelings fester, they push me ever farther from the rain of grace that I so desperately need myself and I am parched. In spite of my stubborn selfishness though, God's grace rains. His thunderous voice booms down to the depths of my soul and reminds me of that which I have clearly forgotten...

my brokenness, my undeservedness, my lack.

and grace rains all over me again and I am washed anew. My works are but filthy rags and I find myself right where I should have been all along, dancing in the midst of the grace storm, arms outstretched in desperate joy soaking in every sweet, life giving drop...

and next to you...

and next to all the other broken and undeserving people just like us who are willing to open their heart to His reign.

You see when grace rains, nothing and I mean nothing can escape it.